On why I haven’t written lately

Some of you might be wondering where I’ve gone off to.

It’s okay. I’m still here. or at least, I’m trying to be. I’m very tired, and it seems that I can only do so many things at once. I desperately want to go back to my normal routine of writing, but I’ve been unable to because, as they say, I keep running out of spoons.

Truthfully, I haven’t had a day off from working for a month now. Barely 12 hours go by between my shifts, even if they’re only three hours long, and I’ve become so socially exhausted that my only options are to crawl into bed, and to sleep.

Being an introvert and having to talk to people for work is sort of the worst. More often than not, I end up speaking to three clients at once for hours on end, and I can feel my patience wearing dangerously thin. I am the type to become socially exhausted very, very quickly, and all of this interaction is causing my already very deep depression to worsen. There’s no end in sight, it seems.

I wake up each morning and force myself to eat, and then I’m off to work, awake or not. By the end of it, I can’t stand to look at a screen any longer, and my wrists ache from aggravating my slowly developing carpal tunnel. So I cannot write. I can’t work on my book, and I can’t jot down notes or sketch. I just lay down. Sometimes I read my book (currently reading Fingersmith by Sarah Waters) and other times I just fall asleep, unable to awaken until the next day or when my hunger pangs catch up to me.

I do not have any spoons left to give to the world at the moment.

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